Extract from
Ulysses by James Joyce
Yes because he never did a thing like that before as ask to get his breakfast
in bed with a couple of eggs since the City Arms hotel when he used to be
pretending to be laid up with a sick voice doing his highness to make himself
interesting for that old faggot Mrs Riordan that he thought he had a great leg
of and she never left us a farthing all for masses for herself and her soul
greatest miser ever was actually afraid to lay out 4d for her methylated spirit
telling me all her ailments she had too much old chat in her about politics and
earthquakes and the end of the world let us have a bit of fun first God help the
world if all the women were her sort down on bathingsuits and lownecks of course
nobody wanted her to wear them I suppose she was pious because no man would look
at her twice I hope Ill never be like her a wonder she didnt want us to cover
our faces but she was a welleducated woman certainly and her gabby talk about Mr
Riordan here and Mr Riordan there I suppose he was glad to get shut of her and
her dog smelling my fur and always edging to get up under my petticoats
especially then still I like that in him polite to old women like that and
waiters and beggars too hes not proud out of nothing but not always if ever he
got anything really serious the matter with him its much better for them to go
into a hospital where everything is clean but I suppose Id have to dring it into
him for a month yes and then wed have a hospital nurse next thing on the carpet
have him staying there till they throw him out or a nun maybe like the smutty
photo he has shes as much a nun as Im not yes because theyre so weak and puling
when theyre sick they want a woman to get well if his nose bleeds youd think it
was O tragic and that dyinglooking one off the south circular when he sprained
his foot at the choir party at the sugarloaf Mountain the day I wore that dress
Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst old ones she could find at the bottom
of the basket anything at all to get into a mans bedroom with her old maids
voice trying to imagine he was dying on account of her to never see thy face
again though he looked more like a man with his beard a bit grown in the bed
father was the same besides I hate bandaging and dosing when he cut his toe with
the razor paring his corns afraid hed get bloodpoisoning but if it was a thing I
was sick then wed see what attention only of course the woman hides it not to
give all the trouble they do yes he came somewhere Im sure by his appetite
anyway love its not or hed be off his feed thinking of her so either it was one
of those night women if it was down there he was really and the hotel story he
made up a pack of lies to hide it planning it Hynes kept me who did I meet ah
yes I met do you remember Menton and who else who let me see that big babbyface
I saw him and he not long married flirting with a young girl at Pooles Myriorama
and turned my back on him when he slinked out looking quite conscious what harm
but he had the impudence to make up to me one time well done to him mouth
almighty and his boiled eyes of all the big stupoes I ever met and thats called
a solicitor only for I hate having a long wrangle in bed or else if its not that
its some little bitch or other he got in with somewhere or picked up on the sly
if they only knew him as well as I do yes because the day before yesterday he
was scribbling something a letter when I came into the front room to show him
Dignams death in the paper as if something told me and he covered it up with the
blottingpaper pretending to be thinking about business so very probably that was
it to somebody who thinks she has a softy in him because all men get a bit like
that at his age especially getting on to forty he is now so as to wheedle any
money she can out of him no fool like an old fool and then the usual kissing my
bottom was to hide it not that I care two straws now who he does it with or knew
before that way though Id like to find out so long as I dont have the two of
them under my nose all the time like that slut that Mary we had in Ontario
terrace padding out her false bottom to excite him bad enough to get the smell
of those painted women off him once or twice I had a suspicion by getting him to
come near me when I found the long hair on his coat without that one when I went
into the kitchen pretending he was drinking water 1 woman is not enough for them
it was all his fault of course ruining servants then proposing that she could
eat at our table on Christmas day if you please O no thank you not in my house
stealing my potatoes and the oysters 2/6 per doz going out to see her aunt if
you please common robbery so it was but I was sure he had something on with that
one it takes me to find out a thing like that he said you have no proof it was
her proof O yes her aunt was very fond of oysters but I told her what I thought
of her suggesting me to go out to be alone with her I wouldnt lower myself to
spy on them the garters I found in her room the Friday she was out that was
enough for me a little bit too much her face swelled up on her with temper when
I gave her her weeks notice I saw to that better do without them altogether do
out the rooms myself quicker only for the damn cooking and throwing out the dirt
I gave it to him anyhow either she or me leaves the house I couldnt even touch
him if I thought he was with a dirty barefaced liar and sloven like that one
denying it up to my face and singing about the place in the W C too because she
knew she was too well off yes because he couldnt possibly do without it that
long so he must do it somewhere and the last time he came on my bottom when was
it the night Boylan gave my hand a great squeeze going along by the Tolka in my
hand there steals another I just pressed the back of his like that with my thumb
to squeeze back singing the young May moon shes beaming love because he has an
idea about him and me hes not such a fool he said Im dining out and going to the
Gaiety though Im not going to give him the satisfaction in any case God knows
hes a change in a way not to be always and ever wearing the same old hat unless
I paid some nicelooking boy to do it since I cant do it myself a young boy would
like me Id confuse him a little alone with him if we were Id let him see my
garters the new ones and make him turn red looking at him seduce him I know what
boys feel with that down on their cheek doing that frigging drawing out the
thing by the hour question and answer would you do this that and the other with
the coalman yes with a bishop yes I would because I told him about some dean or
bishop was sitting beside me in the jews temples gardens when I was knitting
that woollen thing a stranger to Dublin what place was it and so on about the
monuments and he tired me out with statues encouraging him making him worse than
he is who is in your mind now tell me who are you thinking of who is it tell me
his name who tell me who the german Emperor is it yes imagine Im him think of
him can you feel him trying to make a whore of me what he never will he ought to
give it up now at this age of his life simply ruination for any woman and no
satisfaction in it pretending to like it till he comes and then finish it off
myself anyway and it makes your lips pale anyhow its done now once and for all
with all the talk of the world about it people make its only the first time
after that its just the ordinary do it and think no more about it why cant you
kiss a man without going and marrying him first you sometimes love to wildly
when you feel that way so nice all over you you cant help yourself I wish some
man or other would take me sometime when hes there and kiss me in his arms
theres nothing like a kiss long and hot down to your soul almost paralyses you
then I hate that confession when I used to go to Father Corrigan he touched me
father and what harm if he did where and I said on the canal bank like a fool
but whereabouts on your person my child on the leg behind high up was it yes
rather high up was it where you sit down yes O Lord couldnt he say bottom right
out and have done with it what has that got to do with it and did you whatever
way he put it I forget no father and I always think of the real father what did
he want to know for when I already confessed it to God he had a nice fat hand
the palm moist always I wouldnt mind feeling it neither would he Id say by the
bullneck in his horsecollar I wonder did he know me in the box I could see his
face he couldnt see mine of course hed never turn or let on still his eyes were
red when his father died theyre lost for a woman of course must be terrible when
a man cries let alone them Id like to be embraced by one in his vestments and
the smell of incense off him like the pope besides theres no danger with a
priest if youre married hes too careful about himself then give something to H H
the pope for a penance I wonder was he satisfied with me one thing I didnt like
his slapping me behind going away so familiarly in the hall though I laughed Im
not a horse or an ass am I I suppose he was thinking of his fathers I wonder is
he awake thinking of me or dreaming am I in it who gave him that flower he said
he bought he smelt of some kind of drink not whisky or stout or perhaps the
sweety kind of paste they stick their bills up with some liqueur Id like to sip
those richlooking green and yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies
drink with the opera hats I tasted once with my finger dipped out of that
American that had the squirrel talking stamps with father he had all he could do
to keep himself from falling asleep after the last time after we took the port
and potted meat it had a fine salty taste yes because I felt lovely and tired
myself and fell asleep as sound as a top the moment I popped straight into bed
till that thunder woke me up God be merciful to us I thought the heavens were
coming down about us to punish us when I blessed myself and said a Hail Mary
like those awful thunderbolts in Gibraltar as if the world was coming to an end
and then they come and tell you theres no God what could you do if it was
running and rushing about nothing only make an act of contrition the candle I
lit that evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the month of May see it
brought its luck though hed scoff if he heard because he never goes to church
mass or meeting he says your soul you have no soul inside only grey matter
because he doesnt know what it is to have one yes when I lit the lamp because he
must have come 3 or 4 times with that tremendous big red brute of a thing he has
I thought the vein or whatever the dickens they call it was going to burst
though his nose is not so big after I took off all my things with the blinds
down after my hours dressing and perfuming and combing it like iron or some kind
of a thick crowbar standing all the time he must have eaten oysters I think a
few dozen he was in great singing voice no I never in all my life felt anyone
had one the size of that to make you feel full up he must have eaten a whole
sheep after whats the idea making us like that with a big hole in the middle of
us or like a Stallion driving it up into you because thats all they want out of
you with that determined vicious look in his eye I had to halfshut my eyes still
he hasnt such a tremendous amount of spunk in him when I made him pull out and
do it on me considering how big it is so much the better in case any of it wasnt
washed out properly the last time I let him finish it in me nice invention they
made for women for him to get all the pleasure but if someone gave them a touch
of it themselves theyd know what I went through with Milly nobody would believe
cutting her teeth too and Mina Purefoys husband give us a swing out of your
whiskers filling her up with a child or twins once a year as regular as the
clock always with a smell of children off her the one they called budgers or
something like a nigger with a shock of hair on it Jesusjack the child is a
black the last time I was there a squad of them falling over one another and
bawling you couldnt hear your ears supposed to be healthy not satisfied till
they have us swollen out like elephants or I dont know what supposing I risked
having another not off him though still if he was married Im sure hed have a
fine strong child but I dont know Poldy has more spunk in him yes thatd be
awfully jolly I suppose it was meeting Josie Powell and the funeral and thinking
about me and Boylan set him off well he can think what he likes now if thatll do
him any good I know they were spooning a bit when I came on the scene he was
dancing and sitting out with her the night of Georgina Simpsons housewarming and
then he wanted to ram it down my neck it was on account of not liking to see her
a wallflower that was why we had the standup row over politics he began it not
me when he said about Our Lord being a carpenter at last he made me cry of
course a woman is so sensitive about everything I was fuming with myself after
for giving in only for I knew he was gone on me and the first socialist he said
He was he annoyed me so much I couldnt put him into a temper still he knows a
lot of mixedup things especially about the body and the inside I often wanted to
study up that myself what we have inside us in that family physician I could
always hear his voice talking when the room was crowded and watch him after that
I pretended I had a coolness on with her over him because he used to be a bit on
the jealous side whenever he asked who are you going to and I said over to Floey
and he made me the present of Byron's poems and the three pairs of gloves so
that finished that I could quite easily get him to make it up any time I know
how Id even supposing he got in with her again and was going out to see her
somewhere Id know if he refused to eat the onions I know plenty of ways ask him
to tuck down the collar of my blouse or touch him with my veil and gloves on
going out I kiss then would send them all spinning however alright well see then
let him go to her she of course would only be too delighted to pretend shes mad
in love with him that I wouldnt so much mind Id just go to her and ask her do
you love him and look her square in the eyes she couldnt fool me but he might
imagine he was and make a declaration to her with his plabbery kind of a manner
like he did to me though I had the devils own job to get it out of him though I
liked him for that it showed he could hold in and wasnt to be got for the asking
he was on the pop of asking me too the night in the kitchen I was rolling the
potato cake theres something I want to say to you only for I put him off letting
on I was in a temper with my hands and arms full of pasty flour in any case I
let out too much the night before talking of dreams so I didnt want to let him
know more than was good for him she used to be always embracing me Josie
whenever he was there meaning him of course glauming me over and when I said I
washed up and down as far as possible asking me and did you wash possible the
women are always egging on to that putting it on thick when hes there they know
by his sly eye blinking a bit putting on the indifferent when they come out with
something the kind he is what spoils him I dont wonder in the least because he
was very handsome at that time trying to look like Lord Byron I said I liked
though he was too beautiful for a man and he was a little before we got engaged
afterwards though she didnt like it so much the day I was in fits of laughing
with the giggles I couldnt stop about all my hairpins falling out one after
another with the mass of hair I had youre always in great humour she said yes
because it grigged her because she knew what it meant because I used to tell her
a good bit of what went on between us not all but just enough to make her mouth
water but that wasnt my fault she didnt darken the door much after we were
married I wonder what shes got like now after living with that dotty husband of
hers she had her face beginning to look drawn and run down the last time I saw
her she must have been just after a row with him because I saw on the moment she
was edging to draw down a conversation about husbands and talk about him to run
him down what was it she told me O yes that sometimes he used to go to bed with
his muddy boots on when the maggot takes him just imagine having to get into bed
with a thing like that that might murder you any moment what a man well its not
the one way everyone goes mad Poldy anyhow whatever he does always wipes his
feet on the mat when he comes in wet or shine and always blacks his own boots
too and he always takes off his hat when he comes up in the street like then and
now hes going about in his slippers to look for 10000 pounds for a postcard U p
up O sweetheart May wouldnt a thing like that simply bore you stiff to
extinction actually too stupid even to take his boots off now what could you
make of a man like that Id rather die 20 times over than marry another of their
sex of course hed never find another woman like me to put up with him the way I
do know me come sleep with me yes and he knows that too at the bottom of his
heart take that Mrs Maybrick that poisoned her husband for what I wonder in love
with some other man yes it was found out on her wasnt she the downright villain
to go and do a thing like that of course some men can be dreadfully aggravating
drive you mad and always the worst word in the world what do they ask us to
marry them for if were so bad as all that comes to yes because they cant get on
without us white Arsenic she put in his tea off flypaper wasnt it I wonder why
they call it that if I asked him hed say its from the Greek leave us as wise as
we were before she must have been madly in love with the other fellow to run the
chance of being hanged O she didnt care if that was her nature what could she do
besides theyre not brutes enough to go and hang a woman surely are they
theyre all so different Boylan talking about the shape of my foot he noticed
at once even before he was introduced when I was in the D B C with Poldy
laughing and trying to listen I was waggling my foot we both ordered 2 teas and
plain bread and butter I saw him looking with his two old maids of sisters when
I stood up and asked the girl where it was what do I care with it dropping out
of me and that black closed breeches he made me buy takes you half an hour to
let them down wetting all myself always with some brandnew fad every other week
such a long one I did I forgot my suede gloves on the seat behind that I never
got after some robber of a woman and he wanted me to put it in the Irish times
lost in the ladies lavatory D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs Marion Bloom
and I saw his eyes on my feet going out through the turning door he was looking
when I looked back and I went there for tea 2 days after in the hope but he
wasnt now how did that excite him because I was crossing them when we were in
the other room first he meant the shoes that are too tight to walk in my hand is
nice like that if I only had a ring with the stone for my month a nice
aquamarine Ill stick him for one and a gold bracelet I dont like my foot so much
still I made him spend once with my foot the night after Goodwins botchup of a
concert so cold and windy it was well we had that rum in the house to mull and
the fire wasnt black out when he asked to take off my stockings lying on the
hearthrug in Lombard street west and another time it was my muddy boots hed like
me to walk in all the horses dung I could find but of course hes not natural
like the rest of the world that I what did he say I could give 9 points in 10 to
Katty Lanner and beat her what does that mean I asked him I forget what he said
because the stoppress edition just passed and the man with the curly hair in the
Lucan dairy thats so polite I think I saw his face before somewhere I noticed
him when I was tasting the butter so I took my time Bartell dArcy too that he
used to make fun of when he commenced kissing me on the choir stairs after I
sang Gounods Ave Maria what are we waiting for O my heart kiss me
straight on the brow and part which is my brown part he was pretty hot for all
his tinny voice too my low notes he was always raving about if you can believe
him I liked the way he used his mouth singing then he said wasnt it terrible to
do that there in a place like that I dont see anything so terrible about it Ill
tell him about that some day not now and surprise him ay and Ill take him there
and show him the very place too we did it so now there you are like it or lump
it he thinks nothing can happen without him knowing he hadnt an idea about my
mother till we were engaged otherwise hed never have got me so cheap as he did
he was lo times worse himself anyhow begging me to give him a tiny bit cut off
my drawers that was the evening coming along Kenilworth square he kissed me in
the eye of my glove and I had to take it off asking me questions is it permitted
to enquire the shape of my bedroom so I let him keep it as if I forgot it to
think of me when I saw him slip it into his pocket of course hes mad on the
subject of drawers thats plain to be seen always skeezing at those brazenfaced
things on the bicycles with their skirts blowing up to their navels even when
Milly and I were out with him at the open air fete that one in the cream muslin
standing right against the sun so he could see every atom she had on when he saw
me from behind following in the rain I saw him before he saw me however standing
at the corner of the Harolds cross road with a new raincoat on him with the
muffler in the Zingari colours to show off his complexion and the brown hat
looking slyboots as usual what was he doing there where hed no business they can
go and get whatever they like from anything at all with a skirt on it and were
not to ask any questions but they want to know where were you where are you
going I could feel him coming along skulking after me his eyes on my neck he had
been keeping away from the house he felt it was getting too warm for him so I
halfturned and stopped then he pestered me to say yes till I took off my glove
slowly watching him he said my openwork sleeves were too cold for the rain
anything for an excuse to put his hand anear me drawers drawers the whole
blessed time till I promised to give him the pair off my doll to carry about in
his waistcoat pocket O Maria Santisima he did look a big fool dreeping in
the rain splendid set of teeth he had made me hungry to look at them and
beseeched of me to lift the orange petticoat I had on with the sunray pleats
that there was nobody he said hed kneel down in the wet if I didnt so
persevering he would too and ruin his new raincoat you never know what freak
theyd take alone with you theyre so savage for it if anyone was passing so I
lifted them a bit and touched his trousers outside the way I used to Gardner
after with my ring hand to keep him from doing worse where it was too public I
was dying to find out was he circumcised he was shaking like a jelly all over
they want to do everything too quick take all the pleasure out of it and father
waiting all the time for his dinner he told me to say I left my purse in the
butchers and had to go back for it what a Deceiver then he wrote me that letter
with all those words in it how could he have the face to any woman after his
company manners making it so awkward after when we met asking me have I offended
you with my eyelids down of course he saw I wasnt he had a few brains not like
that other fool Henny Doyle he was always breaking or tearing something in the
charades I hate an unlucky man and if I knew what it meant of course I had to
say no for form sake dont understand you I said and wasnt it natural so it is of
course it used to be written up with a picture of a womans on that wall in
Gibraltar with that word I couldnt find anywhere only for children seeing it too
young then writing every morning a letter sometimes twice a day I liked the way
he made love then he knew the way to take a woman when he sent me the 8 big
poppies because mine was the 8th then I wrote the night he kissed my heart at
Dolphins barn I couldnt describe it simply it makes you feel like nothing on
earth but he never knew how to embrace well like Gardner I hope hell come on
Monday as he said at the same time four I hate people who come at all hours
answer the door you think its the vegetables then its somebody and you all
undressed or the door of the filthy sloppy kitchen blows open the day old
frostyface Goodwin called about the concert in Lombard street and I just after
dinner all flushed and tossed with boiling old stew dont look at me professor I
had to say Im a fright yes but he was a real old gent in his way it was
impossible to be more respectful nobody to say youre out you have to peep out
through the blind like the messengerboy today I thought it was a putoff first
him sending the port and the peaches first and I was just beginning to yawn with
nerves thinking he was trying to make a fool of me when I knew his tattarrattat
at the door he must have been a bit late because it was l/4 after 3 when I saw
the 2 Dedalus girls coming from school I never know the time even that watch he
gave me never seems to go properly Id want to get it looked after when I threw
the penny to that lame sailor for England home and beauty when I was whistling
there is a charming girl I love and I hadnt even put on my clean shift or
powdered myself or a thing then this day week were to go to Belfast just as well
he has to go to Ennis his fathers anniversary the 27th it wouldnt be pleasant if
he did suppose our rooms at the hotel were beside each other and any fooling
went on in the new bed I couldnt tell him to stop and not bother me with him in
the next room or perhaps some protestant clergyman with a cough knocking on the
wall then hed never believe the next day we didnt do something its all very well
a husband but you cant fool a lover after me telling him we never did anything
of course he didnt believe me no its better hes going where he is besides
something always happens with him the time going to the Mallow concert at
Maryborough ordering boiling soup for the two of us then the bell rang out he
walks down the platform with the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it
hadnt he the nerve and the waiter after him making a holy show of us screeching
and confusion for the engine to start but he wouldnt pay till he finished it the
two gentlemen in the 3rd class carriage said he was quite right so he was too
hes so pigheaded sometimes when he gets a thing into his head a good job he was
able to open the carriage door with his knife or theyd have taken us on to Cork
I suppose that was done out of revenge on him O I love jaunting in a train or a
car with lovely soft cushions I wonder will he take a 1st class for me he might
want to do it in the train by tipping the guard well O I suppose therell be the
usual idiots of men gaping at us with their eyes as stupid as ever they can
possibly be that was an exceptional man that common workman that left us alone
in the carriage that day going to Howth Id like to find out something about him
l or 2 tunnels perhaps then you have to look out of the window all the nicer
then coming back suppose I never came back what would they say eloped with him
that gets you on on the stage the last concert I sang at where its over a year
ago when was it St Teresas hall Clarendon St little chits of missies they have
now singing Kathleen Kearney and her like on account of father being in the army
and my singing the absentminded beggar and wearing a brooch for Lord Roberts
when I had the map of it all and Poldy not Irish enough was it him managed it
this time I wouldnt put it past him like he got me on to sing in the Stabat
Mater by going around saying he was putting Lead Kindly Light to music I put
him up to that till the jesuits found out he was a freemason thumping the piano
lead Thou me on copied from some old opera yes and he was going about with some
of them Sinner Fein lately or whatever they call themselves talking his usual
trash and nonsense he says that little man he showed me without the neck is very
intelligent the coming man Griffiths is he well he doesnt look it thats all I
can say still it must have been him he knew there was a boycott I hate the
mention of their politics after the war that Pretoria and Ladysmith and
Bloemfontein where Gardner lieut Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd East Lancs Rgt of enteric
fever he was a lovely fellow in khaki and just the right height over me Im sure
he was brave too he said I was lovely the evening we kissed goodbye at the canal
lock my Irish beauty he was pale with excitement about going away or wed be seen
from the road he couldnt stand properly and I so hot as I never felt they could
have made their peace in the beginning or old oom Paul and the rest of the other
old Krugers go and fight it out between them instead of dragging on for years
killing any finelooking men there were with their fever if he was even decently
shot it wouldnt have been so bad I love to see a regiment pass in review the
first time I saw the Spanish cavalry at La Roque it was lovely after looking
across the bay from Algeciras all the lights of the rock like fireflies or those
sham battles on the 15 acres the Black Watch with their kilts in time at the
march past the 10th hussars the prince of Wales own or the lancers O the lancers
theyre grand or the Dublins that won Tugela his father made his money over
selling the horses for the cavalry well he could buy me a nice present up in
Belfast after what I gave him theyve lovely linen up there or one of those nice
kimono things I must buy a mothball like I had before to keep in the drawer with
them it would be exciting going round with him shopping buying those things in a
new city better leave this ring behind want to keep turning and turning to get
it over the knuckle there or they might bell it round the town in their papers
or tell the police on me but theyd think were married O let them all go and
smother themselves for the fat lot I care he has plenty of money and hes not a
marrying man so somebody better get it out of him if I could find out whether he
likes me I looked a bit washy of course when I looked close in the handglass
powdering a mirror never gives you the expression besides scrooching down on me
like that all the time with his big hipbones hes heavy too with his hairy chest
for this heat always having to lie down for them better for him put it into me
from behind the way Mrs Mastiansky told me her husband made her like the dogs do
it and stick out her tongue as far as ever she could and he so quiet and mild
with his tingating cither can you ever be up to men the way it takes them lovely
stuff in that blue suit he had on and stylish tie and socks with the skyblue
silk things on them hes certainly well off I know by the cut his clothes have
and his heavy watch but he was like a perfect devil for a few minutes after he
came back with the stoppress tearing up the tickets and swearing blazes because
he lost 20 quid he said he lost over that outsider that won and half he put on
for me on account of Lenehans tip cursing him to the lowest pits that sponger he
was making free with me after the Glencree dinner coming back that long joult
over the featherbed mountain after the lord Mayor looking at me with his dirty
eyes Val Dillon that big heathen I first noticed him at dessert when I was
cracking the nuts with my teeth I wished I could have picked every morsel of
that chicken out of my fingers it was so tasty and browned and as tender as
anything only for I didnt want to eat everything on my plate those forks and
fishslicers were hallmarked silver too I wish I had some I could easily have
slipped a couple into my muff when I was playing with them then always hanging
out of them for money in a restaurant for the bit you put down your throat we
have to be thankful for our mangy cup of tea itself as a great compliment to be
noticed the way the world is divided in any case if its going to go on I want at
least two other good chemises for one thing and but I dont know what kind of
drawers he likes none at all I think didnt he say yes and half the girls in
Gibraltar never wore them either naked as God made them that Andalusian singing
her Manola she didnt make much secret of what she hadnt yes and the second pair
of silkette stockings is laddered after one days wear I could have brought them
back to Lewers this morning and kicked up a row and made that one change them
only not to upset myself and run the risk of walking into him and ruining the
whole thing and one of those kidfitting corsets Id want advertised cheap in the
Gentlewoman with elastic gores on the hips he saved the one I have but thats no
good what did they say they give a delightful figure line 11/6 obviating that
unsightly broad appearance across the lower back to reduce flesh my belly is a
bit too big Ill have to knock off the stout at dinner or am I getting too fond
of it the last they sent from ORourkes was as flat as a pancake he makes his
money easy Larry they call him the old mangy parcel he sent at Xmas a cottage
cake and a bottle of hogwash he tried to palm off as claret that he couldnt get
anyone to drink God spare his spit for fear hed die of the drouth or I must do a
few breathing exercises I wonder is that antifat any good might overdo it the
thin ones are not so much the fashion now garters that much I have the violet
pair I wore today thats all he bought me out of the cheque he got on the first O
no there was the face lotion I finished the last of yesterday that made my skin
like new I told him over and over again get that made up in the same place and
dont forget it God only knows whether he did after all I said to him 111 know by
the bottle anyway if not I suppose 111 only have to wash in my piss like beeftea
or chickensoup with some of that opoponax and violet I thought it was beginning
to look coarse or old a bit the skin underneath is much finer where it peeled
off there on my finger after the burn its a pity it isnt all like that and the
four paltry handkerchiefs about 6/- in all sure you cant get on in this world
without style all going in food and rent when I get it Ill lash it around I tell
you in fine style I always want to throw a handful of tea into the pot measuring
and mincing if I buy a pair of old brogues itself do you like those new shoes
yes how much were they Ive no clothes at all the brown costume and the skirt and
jacket and the one at the cleaners 3 whats that for any woman cutting up this
old hat and patching up the other the men wont look at you and women try to walk
on you because they know youve no man then with all the things getting dearer
every day for the 4 years more I have of life up to 35 no Im what am I at all
111 be 33 in September will I what O well look at that Mrs Galbraith shes much
older than me I saw her when I was out last week her beautys on the wane she was
a lovely woman magnificent head of hair on her down to her waist tossing it back
like that like Kitty OShea in Grantham street 1st thing I did every morning to
look across see her combing it as if she loved it and was full of it pity I only
got to know her the day before we left and that Mrs Langtry the jersey lily the
prince of Wales was in love with I suppose hes like the first man going the
roads only for the name of a king theyre all made the one way only a black mans
Id like to try a beauty up to what was she 45 there was some funny story about
the jealous old husband what was it at all and an oyster knife he went no he
made her wear a kind of a tin thing round her and the prince of Wales yes he had
the oyster knife cant be true a thing like that like some of those books he
brings me the works of Master Francois Somebody supposed to be a priest about a
child born out of her ear because her bumgut fell out a nice word for any priest
to write and her a--e as if any fool wouldnt know what that meant I hate that
pretending of all things with that old blackguards face on him anybody can see
its not true and that Ruby and Fair Tyrants he brought me that twice I remember
when I came to page 5 o the part about where she hangs him up out of a hook with
a cord flagellate sure theres nothing for a woman in that all invention made up
about he drinking the champagne out of her slipper after the ball was over like
the infant Jesus in the crib at Inchicore in the Blessed Virgins arms sure no
woman could have a child that big taken out of her and I thought first it came
out of her side because how could she go to the chamber when she wanted to and
she a rich lady of course she felt honoured H R H he was in Gibraltar the year I
was born I bet he found lilies there too where he planted the tree he planted
more than that in his time he might have planted me too if hed come a bit sooner
then I wouldnt be here as I am he ought to chuck that Freeman with the paltry
few shillings he knocks out of it and go into an office or something where hed
get regular pay or a bank where they could put him up on a throne to count the
money all the day of course he prefers plottering about the house so you cant
stir with him any side whats your programme today I wish hed even smoke a pipe
like father to get the . smell of a man or pretending to be mooching about for
advertisements when he could have been in Mr Cuffes still only for what he did
then sending me to try and patch it up I could have got him promoted there to be
the manager he gave me a great mirada once or twice first he was as stiff as the
mischief really and truly Mrs Bloom only I felt rotten simply with the old
rubbishy dress that I lost the leads out of the tails with no cut in it but
theyre coming into fashion again I bought it simply to please him I knew it was
no good by the finish pity I changed my mind of going to Todd and Bums as I said
and not Lees it was just like the shop itself rummage sale a lot of trash I hate
those rich shops get on your nerves nothing kills me altogether only he thinks
he knows a great lot about a womans dress and cooking mathering everything he
can scour off the shelves into it if I went by his advices every blessed hat I
put on does that suit me yes take that thats alright the one like a weddingcake
standing up miles off my head he said suited me or the dishcover one coming down
on my backside on pins and needles about the shopgirl in that place in Grafton
street I had the misfortune to bring him into and she as insolent as ever she
could be with her smirk saying Im afraid were giving you too much trouble what
shes there for but I stared it out of her yes he was awfully stiff and no wonder
but he changed the second time he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual like the soup
but I could see him looking very hard at my chest when he stood up to open the
door for me it was nice of him to show me out in any case Im extremely sorry Mrs
Bloom believe me without making it too marked the first time after him being
insulted and me being supposed to be his wife I just half smiled I know my chest
was out that way at the door when he said Im extremely sorry and Im sure you
were
yes I think he made them a bit firmer sucking them like that so long he made
me thirsty titties he calls them I had to laugh yes this one anyhow stiff the
nipple gets for the least thing Ill get him to keep that up and Ill take those
eggs beaten up with marsala fatten them out for him what are all those veins and
things curious the way its made 2 the same in case of twins theyre supposed to
represent beauty placed up there like those statues in the museum one of them
pretending to hide it with her hand are they so beautiful of course compared
with what a man looks like with his two bags full and his other thing hanging
down out of him or sticking up at you like a hatrack no wonder they hide it with
a cabbageleaf that disgusting Cameron highlander behind the meat market or that
other wretch with the red head behind the tree where the statue of the fish used
to be when I was passing pretending he was pissing standing out for me to see it
with his babyclothes up to one side the Queens own they were a nice lot its well
the Surreys relieved them theyre always trying to show it to you every time
nearly I passed outside the mens greenhouse near the Harcourt street station
just to try some fellow or other trying to catch my eye as if it was I of the 7
wonders of the world O and the stink of those rotten places the night coming
home with Poldy after the Comerfords party oranges and lemonade to make you feel
nice and watery I went into r of them it was so biting cold I couldnt keep it
when was that 93 the canal was frozen yes it was a few months after a pity a
couple of the Camerons werent there to see me squatting in the mens place
meadero I tried to draw a picture of it before I tore it up like a sausage or
something I wonder theyre not afraid going about of getting a kick or a bang of
something there the woman is beauty of course thats admitted when he said I
could pose for a picture naked to some rich fellow in Holles street when he lost
the job in Helys and I was selling the clothes and strumming in the coffee
palace would I be like that bath of the nymph with my hair down yes only shes
younger or Im a little like that dirty bitch in that Spanish photo he has nymphs
used they go about like that I asked him about her and that word met something
with hoses in it and he came out with some jawbreakers about the incarnation he
never can explain a thing simply the way a body can understand then he goes and
burns the bottom out of the pan all for his Kidney this one not so much theres
the mark of his teeth still where he tried to bite the nipple I had to scream
out arent they fearful trying to hurt you I had a great breast of milk with
Milly enough for two what was the reason of that he said I could have got a
pound a week as a wet nurse all swelled out the morning that delicate looking
student that stopped in no 28 with the Citrons Penrose nearly caught me washing
through the window only for I snapped up the towel to my face that was his
studenting hurt me they used to weaning her till he got doctor Brady to give me
the belladonna prescription I had to get him to suck them they were so hard he
said it was sweeter and thicker than cows then he wanted to milk me into the tea
well hes beyond everything I declare somebody ought to put him in the budget if
I only could remember the I half of the things and write a book out of it the
works of Master Poldy yes and its so much smoother the skin much an hour he was
at them Im sure by the clock like some kind of a big infant I had at me they
want everything in their mouth all the pleasure those men get out of a woman I
can feel his mouth O Lord I must stretch myself I wished he was here or somebody
to let myself go with and come again like that I feel all fire inside me or if I
could dream it when he made me spend the 2nd time tickling me behind with his
finger I was coming for about 5 minutes with my legs round him I had to hug him
after O Lord I wanted to shout out all sorts of things fuck or shit or anything
at all only not to look ugly or those lines from the strain who knows the way
hed take it you want to feel your way with a man theyre not all like him thank
God some of them want you to be so nice about it I noticed the contrast he does
it and doesnt talk I gave my eyes that look with my hair a bit loose from the
tumbling and my tongue between my lips up to him the savage brute Thursday
Friday one Saturday two Sunday three O Lord I cant wait till Monday
frseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling the strength those engines have
in them like big giants and the water rolling all over and out of them all sides
like the end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor men that have to be out all
the night from their wives and families in those roasting engines stifling it
was today Im glad I burned the half of those old Freemans and Photo Bits leaving
things like that lying about hes getting very careless and threw the rest of
them up in the W C 111 get him to cut them tomorrow for me instead of having
them there for the next year to get a few pence for them have him asking wheres
last Januarys paper and all those old overcoats I bundled out of the hall making
the place hotter than it is that rain was lovely and refreshing just after my
beauty sleep I thought it was going to get like Gibraltar my goodness the heat
there before the levanter came on black as night and the glare of the rock
standing up in it like a big giant compared with their 3 Rock mountain they
think is so great with the red sentries here and there the poplars and they all
whitehot and the smell of the rainwater in those tanks watching the sun all the
time weltering down on you faded all that lovely frock fathers friend Mrs
Stanhope sent me from the B Marche paris what a shame my dearest Doggerina she
wrote on it she was very nice whats this her other name was just a p c to tell
you I sent the little present have just had a jolly warm bath and feel a very
clean dog now enjoyed it wogger she called him wogger wd give anything to be
back in Gib and hear you sing Waiting and in old Madrid Concone is the name of
those exercises he bought me one of those new some word I couldnt make out
shawls amusing things but tear for the least thing still there lovely I think
dont you will always think of the lovely teas we had together scrumptious
currant scones and raspberry wafers I adore well now dearest Doggerina be sure
and write soon kind she left out regards to your father also captain Grove with
love yrs affly Hester x x x x x she didnt look a bit married just like a girl he
was years older than her wogger he was awfully fond of me when he held down the
wire with his foot for me to step over at the bullfight at La Linea when that
matador Gomez was given the bulls ear these clothes we have to wear whoever
invented them expecting you to walk up Killiney hill then for example at that
picnic all staysed up you cant do a blessed thing in them in a crowd run or jump
out of the way thats why I was afraid when that other ferocious old Bull began
to charge the banderilleros with the sashes and the 2 things in their hats and
the brutes of men shouting bravo toro sure the women were as bad in their nice
white mantillas ripping all the whole insides out of those poor horses I never
heard of such a thing in all my life yes he used to break his heart at me taking
off the dog barking in bell lane poor brute and it sick what became of them ever
I suppose theyre dead long ago the 2 of them its like all through a mist makes
you feel so old I made the scones of course I had everything all to myself then
a girl Hester we used to compare our hair mine was thicker than hers she showed
me how to settle it at the back when I put it up and whats this else how to make
a knot on a thread with the one hand we were like cousins what age was I then
the night of the storm I slept in her bed she had her arms round me then we were
fighting in the morning with the pillow what fun he was watching me whenever he
got an opportunity at the band on the Alameda esplanade when I was with father
and captain Grove I looked up at the church first and then at the windows then
down and our eyes met I felt something go through me like all needles my eyes
were dancing I remember after when I looked at myself in the glass hardly
recognised myself the change he was attractive to a girl in spite of his being a
little bald intelligent looking disappointed and gay at the same time he was
like Thomas in the shadow of Ashlydyat I had a splendid skin from the sun and
the excitement like a rose I didnt get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have been nice
on account of her but I could have stopped it in time she gave me the Moonstone
to read that was the first I read of Wilkie Collins East Lynne I read and the
shadow of Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar by that other woman I lent him
afterwards with Mulveys photo in it so as he see I wasnt without and Lord Lytton
Eugene Aram Molly bawn she gave me by Mrs Hungerford on account of the name I
dont like books with a Molly in them like that one he brought me about the one
from Flanders a whore always shoplifting anything she could cloth and stuff and
yards of it O this blanket is too heavy on me thats better I havent even one
decent nightdress this thing gets all rolled under me besides him and his
fooling thats better I used to be weltering then in the heat my shift drenched
with the sweat stuck in the cheeks of my bottom on the chair when I stood up
they were so fattish and firm when I got up on the sofa cushions to see with my
clothes up and the bugs tons of them at night and the mosquito nets I couldnt
read a line Lord how long ago it seems centuries of course they never came back
and she didnt put her address right on it either she may have noticed her wogger
people were always going away and we never I remember that day with the waves
and the boats with their high heads rocking and the smell of ship those Officers
uniforms on shore leave made me seasick he didnt say anything he was very
serious I had the high buttoned boots on and my skirt was blowing she kissed me
six or seven times didnt I cry yes I believe I did or near it my lips were
taittering when I said goodbye she had a Gorgeous wrap of some special kind of
blue colour on her for the voyage made very peculiarly to one side like and it
was extremely pretty it got as dull as the devil after they went I was almost
planning to run away mad out of it somewhere were never easy where we are father
or aunt or marriage waiting always waiting to guiiiide him toooo me waiting nor
speeeed his flying feet their damn guns bursting and booming all over the shop
especially the Queens birthday and throwing everything down in all directions if
you didnt open the windows when general Ulysses Grant whoever he was or did
supposed to be some great fellow landed off the ship and old Sprague the consul
that was there from before the flood dressed up poor man and he in mourning for
the son then the same old bugles for reveille in the morning and drums rolling
and the unfortunate poor devils of soldiers walking about with messtins smelling
the place more than the old longbearded jews in their jellibees and levites
assembly and sound clear and gunfire for the men to cross the lines and the
warden marching with his keys to lock the gates and the bagpipes and only
captain Groves and father talking about Rorkes drift and Plevna and sir Garnet
Wolseley and Gordon at Khartoum lighting their pipes for them everytime they
went out drunken old devil with his grog on the windowsill catch him leaving any
of it picking his nose trying to think of some other dirty story to tell up in a
corner but he never forgot himself when I was there sending me out of the room
on some blind excuse paying his compliments the Bushmills whisky talking of
course but hed do the same to the next woman that came along I suppose he died
of galloping drink ages ago the days like years not a letter from a living soul
except the odd few I posted to myself with bits of paper in them so bored
sometimes I could fight with my nails listening to that old Arab with the one
eye and his heass of an instrument singing his heah heah aheah all my
compriments on your hotchapotch of your heass as bad as now with the hands
hanging off me looking out of the window if there was a nice fellow even in the
opposite house that medical in Holles street the nurse was after when I put on
my gloves and hat at the window to show I was going out not a notion what I
meant arent they thick never understand what you say even youd want to print it
up on a big poster for them not even if you shake hands twice with the left he
didnt recognise me either when I half frowned at him outside Westland row chapel
where does their great intelligence come in Id like to know grey matter they
have it all in their tail if you ask me those country gougers up in the City
Arms intelligence they had a damn sight less than the bulls and cows they were
selling the meat and the coalmans bell that noisy bugger trying to swindle me
with the wrong bill he took out of his hat what a pair of paws and pots and pans
and kettles to mend any broken bottles for a poor man today and no visitors or
post ever except his cheques or some advertisement like that wonderworker they
sent him addressed dear Madam only his letter and the card from Milly this
morning see she wrote a letter to him who did I get the last letter from O Mrs
Dwenn now what possessed her to write from Canada after so many years to know
the recipe I had for pisto madrileno Floey Dillon since she wrote to say she was
married to a very rich architect if Im to believe all I hear with a villa and
eight rooms her father was an awfully nice man he was near seventy always
goodhumoured well now Miss Tweedy or Miss Gillespie theres the piannyer that was
a solid silver coffee service he had too on the mahogany sideboard then dying so
far away I hate people that have always their poor story to tell everybody has
their own troubles that poor Nancy Blake died a month ago of acute neumonia well
I didnt know her so well as all that she was Floeys friend more than mine poor
Nancy its a bother having to answer he always tells me the wrong things and no
stops to say like making a speech your sad bereavement symphathy I always make
that mistake and newphew with 2 double yous in I hope hell write me a longer
letter the next time if its a thing he really likes me O thanks be to the great
God I got somebody to give me what I badly wanted to put some heart up into me
youve no chances at all in this place like you used long ago I wish somebody
would write me a loveletter his wasnt much and I told him he could write what he
liked yours ever Hugh Boylan in old Madrid stuff silly women believe love is
sighing I am dying still if he wrote it I suppose thered be some truth in it
true or no it fills up your whole day and life always something to think about
every moment and see it all round you like a new world I could write the answer
in bed to let him imagine me short just a few words not those long crossed
letters Atty Dillon used to write to the fellow that was something in the four
courts that jilted her after out of the ladies letterwriter when I told her to
say a few simple words he could twist how he liked not acting with precipat
precip itancy with equal candour the greatest earthly happiness answer to a
gentlemans proposal affirmatively my goodness theres nothing else its all very
fine for them but as for being a woman as soon as youre old they might as well
throw you out in the bottom of the ashpit.
Mulveys was the first when I was in bed that morning and Mrs Rubio brought it
in with the coffee she stood there standing when I asked her to hand me and I
pointing at them I couldnt think of the word a hairpin to open it with ah
horquilla disobliging old thing and it staring her in the face with her switch
of false hair on her and vain about her appearance ugly as she was near 80 or a
loo her face a mass of wrinkles with all her religion domineering because she
never could get over the Atlantic fleet coming in half the ships of the world
and the Union Jack flying with all her carabineros because 4 drunken English
sailors took all the rock from them and because I didnt run into mass often
enough in Santa Maria to please her with her shawl up on her except when there
was a marriage on with all her miracles of the saints and her black blessed
virgin with the silver dress and the sun dancing 3 times on Easter Sunday
morning and when the priest was going by with the bell bringing the vatican to
the dying blessing herself for his Majestad an admirer he signed it I near
jumped out of my skin I wanted to pick him up when I saw him following me along
the Calle Real in the shop window then he tipped me just in passing but I never
thought hed write making an appointment I had it inside my petticoat bodice all
day reading it up in every hole and corner while father was up at the drill
instructing to find out by the handwriting or the language of stamps singing I
remember shall I wear a white rose and I wanted to put on the old stupid clock
to near the time he was the first man kissed me under the Moorish wall my
sweetheart when a boy it never entered my head what kissing meant till he put
his tongue in my mouth his mouth was sweetlike young I put my knee up to him a
few times to learn the way what did I tell him I was engaged for for fun to the
son of a Spanish nobleman named Don Miguel de la Flora and he believed me that I
was to be married to him in 3 years time theres many a true word spoken in jest
there is a flower that bloometh a few things I told him true about myself just
for him to be imagining the Spanish girls he didnt like I suppose one of them
wouldnt have him I got him excited he crushed all the flowers on my bosom he
brought me he couldnt count the pesetas and the perragordas till I taught him
Cappoquin he came from he said on the black water but it was too short then the
day before he left May yes it was May when the infant king of Spain was born Im
always like that in the spring Id like a new fellow every year up on the tiptop
under the rockgun near OHaras tower I told him it was struck by lightning and
all about the old Barbary apes they sent to Clapham without a tail careering all
over the show on each others back Mrs Rubio said she was a regular old rock
scorpion robbing the chickens out of Inces farm and throw stones at you if you
went anear he was looking at me I had that white blouse on open in the front to
encourage him as much as I could without too openly they were just beginning to
be plump I said I was tired we lay over the firtree cove a wild place I suppose
it must be the highest rock in existence the galleries and casemates and those
frightful rocks and Saint Michaels cave with the icicles or whatever they call
them hanging down and ladders all the mud plotching my boots Im sure thats the
way down the monkeys go under the sea to Africa when they die the ships out far
like chips that was the Malta boat passing yes the sea and the sky you could do
what you liked lie there for ever he caressed them outside they love doing that
its the roundness there I was leaning over him with my white ricestraw hat to
take the newness out of it the left side of my face the best my blouse open for
his last day transparent kind of shirt he had I could see his chest pink he
wanted to touch mine with his for a moment but I wouldnt lee him he was awfully
put out first for fear you never know consumption or leave me with a child
embarazada that old servant Ines told me that one drop even if it got into you
at all after I tried with the Banana but I was afraid it might break and get
lost up in me somewhere because they once took something down out of a woman
that was up there for years covered with limesalts theyre all mad to get in
there where they come out of youd think they could never go far enough up and
then theyre done with you in a way till the next time yes because theres a
wonderful feeling there so tender all the time how did we finish it off yes O
yes I pulled him off into my handkerchief pretending not to be excited but I
opened my legs I wouldnt let him touch me inside my petticoat because I had a
skirt opening up the side I tormented the life out of him first tickling him I
loved rousing that dog in the hotel rrrsssstt awokwokawok his eyes shut and a
bird flying below us he was shy all the same I liked him like that moaning I
made him blush a little when I got over him that way when I unbuttoned him and
took his out and drew back the skin it had a kind of eye in it theyre all
Buttons men down the middle on the wrong side of them Molly darling he called me
what was his name Jack Joe Harry Mulvey was it yes I think a lieutenant he was
rather fair he had a laughing kind of a voice so I went round to the
whatyoucallit everything was whatyoucallit moustache had he he said hed come
back Lord its just like yesterday to me and if I was married hed do it to me and
I promised him yes faithfully Id let him block me now flying perhaps hes dead or
killed or a captain or admiral its nearly 20 years if I said firtree cove he
would if he came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes to guess who I
might recognise him hes young still about 40 perhaps hes married some girl on
the black water and is quite changed they all do they havent half the character
a woman has she little knows what I did with her beloved husband before he ever
dreamt of her in broad daylight too in the sight of the whole world you might
say they could have put an article about it in the Chronicle I was a bit wild
after when I blew out the old bag the biscuits were in from Benady Bros and
exploded it Lord what a bang all the woodcocks and pigeons screaming coming back
the same way that we went over middle hill round by the old guardhouse and the
jews burialplace pretending to read out the Hebrew on them I wanted to fire his
pistol he said he hadnt one he didnt know what to make of me with his peak cap
on that he always wore crooked as often as I settled it straight H M S Calypso
swinging my hat that old Bishop that spoke off the altar his long preach about
womans higher functions about girls now riding the bicycle and wearing peak caps
and the new woman bloomers God send him sense and me more money I suppose theyre
called after him I never thought that would be my name Bloom when I used to
write it in print to see how it looked on a visiting card or practising for the
butcher and oblige M Bloom youre looking blooming Josie used to say after I
married him well its better than Breen or Briggs does brig or those awful names
with bottom in them Mrs Ramsbottom or some other kind of a bottom Mulvey I
wouldnt go mad about either or suppose I divorced him Mrs Boylan my mother
whoever she was might have given me a nicer name the Lord knows after the lovely
one she had Lunita Laredo the fun we had running along Williss road to Europa
point twisting in and out all round the other side of Jersey they were shaking
and dancing about in my blouse like Millys little ones now when she runs up the
stairs I loved looking down at them I was jumping up at the pepper trees and the
white poplars pulling the leaves off and throwing them at him he went to India
he was to write the voyages those men have to make to the ends of the world and
back its the least they might get a squeeze or two at a woman while they can
going out to be drowned or blown up somewhere I went up Windmill hill to the
flats that Sunday morning with captain Rubios that was dead spyglass like the
sentry had he said hed have one or two from on board I wore that frock from the
B Marche paris and the coral necklace the straits shining I could see over to
Morocco almost the bay of Tangier white and the Atlas mountain with snow on it
and the straits like a river so clear Harry Molly darling I was thinking of him
on the sea all the time after at mass when my petticoat began to slip down at
the elevation weeks and weeks I kept the handkerchief under my pillow for the
smell of him there was no decent perfume to be got in that Gibraltar only that
cheap peau dEspagne that faded and left a stink on you more than anything else
I
wanted to give him a memento he gave me that clumsy Claddagh ring for luck that
I gave Gardner going to south Africa where those Boers killed him with their war
and fever but they were well beaten all the same as if it brought its bad luck
with it like an opal or pearl still it must have been pure 18 carrot gold
because it was very heavy but what could you get in a place like that the
sandfrog shower from Africa and that derelict ship that came up to the harbour
Marie the Marie whatyoucallit no he hadnt a moustache that was Gardner yes I can
see his face cleanshaven Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train again weeping
tone once in the dear deaead days beyondre call close my eyes breath my lips
forward kiss sad look eyes open piano ere oer the world the mists began I hate
that istsbeg comes loves sweet sooooooooooong Ill let that out full when I get
in front of the footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her lot of squealers Miss
This Miss That Miss Theother lot of sparrowfarts skitting around talking about
politics they know as much about as my backside anything in the world to make
themselves someway interesting Irish homemade beauties soldiers daughter am I ay
and whose are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon coach I thought you
were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever they got a chance
of walking down the Alameda on an officers arm like me on the bandnight my eyes
flash my bust that they havent passion God help their poor head I knew more
about men and life when I was I S than theyll all know at 50 they dont know how
to sing a song like that Gardner said no man could look at my mouth and teeth
smiling like that and not think of it I was afraid he mightnt like my accent
first he so English all father left me in spite of his stamps Ive my mothers
eyes and figure anyhow he always said theyre so snotty about themselves some of
those cads he wasnt a bit like that he was dead gone on my lips let them get a
husband first thats fit to be looked at and a daughter like mine or see if they
can excite a swell with money that can pick and choose whoever he wants like
Boylan to do it 4 or 5 times locked in each others arms or the voice either I
could have been a prima donna only I married him comes looooves old deep down
chin back not too much make it double My Ladys Bower is too long for an encore
about the moated grange at twilight and vaunted rooms yes Ill sing Winds that
blow from the south that he gave after the choirstairs performance Ill change
that lace on my black dress to show off my bubs and Ill yes by God Ill get that
big fan mended make them burst with envy my hole is itching me always when I
think of him I feel I want to I feel some wind in me better go easy not wake him
have him at it again slobbering after washing every bit of myself back belly and
sides if we had even a bath itself or my own room anyway I wish hed sleep in
some bed by himself with his cold feet on me give us room even to let a fart God
or do the least thing better yes hold them like that a bit on my side piano
quietly sweeeee theres that train far away pianissimo eeeee one more song
that was a relief wherever you be let your wind go free who knows if that
pork chop I took with my cup of tea after was quite good with the heat I couldnt
smell anything off it Im sure that queerlooking man in the porkbutchers is a
great rogue I hope that lamp is not smoking fill my nose up with smuts better
than having him leaving the gas on all night I couldnt rest easy in my bed in
Gibraltar even getting up to see why am I so damned nervous about that though I
like it in the winter its more company O Lord it was rotten cold too that winter
when I was only about ten was I yes I had the big doll with all the funny
clothes dressing her up and undressing that icy wind skeeting across from those
mountains the something Nevada sierra nevada standing at the fire with the
little bit of a short shift I had up to heat myself I loved dancing about in it
then make a race back into bed Im sure that fellow opposite used to be there the
whole time watching with the lights out in the summer and I in my skin hopping
around I used to love myself then stripped at the washstand dabbing and creaming
only when it came to the chamber performance I put out the light too so then
there were 2 of us goodbye to my sleep for this night anyhow I hope hes not
going to get in with those medicals leading him astray to imagine hes young
again coming in at 4 in the morning it must be if not more still he had the
manners not to wake me what do they find to gabber about all night squandering
money and getting drunker and drunker couldnt they drink water then he starts
giving us his orders for eggs and tea and Findon haddy and hot buttered toast I
suppose well have him sitting up like the king of the country pumping the wrong
end of the spoon up and down in his egg wherever he learned that from and I love
to hear him falling up the stairs of a morning with the cups rattling on the
tray and then play with the cat she rubs up against you for her own sake I
wonder has she fleas shes as bad as a woman always licking and lecking but I
hate their claws I wonder do they see anything that we cant staring like that
when she sits at the top of the stairs so long and listening as I wait always
what a robber too that lovely fresh place I bought I think Ill get a bit of fish
tomorrow or today is it Friday yes I will with some blancmange with black
currant jam like long ago not those 2 lb pots of mixed plum and apple from the
London and Newcastle Williams and Woods goes twice as far only for the bones I
hate those eels cod yes Ill get a nice piece of cod Im always getting enough for
3 forgetting anyway Im sick of that everlasting butchers meat from Buckleys loin
chops and leg beef and rib steak and scrag of mutton and calfs pluck the very
name is enough or a picnic suppose we all gave 5/- each and or let him pay it
and invite some other woman for him who Mrs Fleming and drove out to the furry
glen or the strawberry beds wed have him examining all the horses toenails first
like he does with the letters no not with Boylan there yes with some cold veal
and ham mixed sandwiches there are little houses down at the bottom of the banks
there on purpose but its as hot as blazes he says not a bank holiday anyhow I
hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for the day Whit Monday is a cursed
day too no wonder that bee bit him better the seaside but Id never again in this
life get into a boat with him after him at Bray telling the boatman he knew how
to row if anyone asked could he ride the steeplechase for the gold cup hed say
yes then it came on to get rough the old thing crookeding about and the weight
all down my side telling me pull the right reins now pull the left and the tide
all swamping in floods in through the bottom and his oar slipping out of the
stirrup its a mercy we werent all drowned he can swim of course me no theres no
danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his flannel trousers Id like to have
tattered them down off him before all the people and give him what that one
calls flagellate till he was black and blue do him all the good in the world
only for that longnosed chap I dont know who he is with that other beauty Burke
out of the City Arms hotel was there spying around as usual on the slip always
where he wasnt wanted if there was a row on youd vomit a better face there was
no love lost between us thats 1 consolation I wonder what kind is that book he
brought me Sweets of Sin by a gentleman of fashion some other Mr de Kock I
suppose the people gave him that nickname going about with his tube from one
woman to another I couldnt even change my new white shoes all ruined with the
saltwater and the hat I had with that feather all blowy and tossed on me how
annoying and provoking because the smell of the sea excited me of course the
sardines and the bream in Catalan bay round the back of the rock they were fine
all silver in the fishermens baskets old Luigi near a hundred they said came
from Genoa and the tall old chap with the earrings I dont like a man you have to
climb up to to get at I suppose theyre all dead and rotten long ago besides I
dont like being alone in this big barracks of a place at night I suppose Ill
have to put up with it I never brought a bit of salt in even when we moved in
the confusion musical academy he was going to make on the first floor
drawingroom with a brassplate or Blooms private hotel he suggested go and ruin
himself altogether the way his father did down in Ennis like all the things he
told father he was going to do and me but I saw through him telling me all the
lovely places we could go for the honeymoon Venice by moonlight with the
gondolas and the lake of Como he had a picture cut out of some paper of and
mandolines and lanterns O how nice I said whatever I liked he was going to do
immediately if not sooner will you be my man will you carry my can he ought to
get a leather medal with a putty rim for all the plans he invents then leaving
us here all day youd never know what old beggar at the door for a crust with his
long story might be a tramp and put his foot in the way to prevent me shutting
it like that picture of that hardened criminal he was called in Lloyds Weekly
news 20 years in jail then he comes out and murders an old woman for her money
imagine his poor wife or mother or whoever she is such a face youd run miles
away from I couldnt rest easy till I bolted all the doors and windows to make
sure but its worse again being locked up like in a prison or a madhouse they
ought to be all shot or the cat of nine tails a big brute like that that would
attack a poor old woman to murder her in her bed Id cut them off him so I would
not that hed be much use still better than nothing the night I was sure I heard
burglars in the kitchen and he went down in his shirt with a candle and a poker
as if he was looking for a mouse as white as a sheet frightened out of his wits
making as much noise as he possibly could for the burglars benefit there isnt
much to steal indeed the Lord knows still its the feeling especially now with
Milly away such an idea for him to send the girl down there to learn to take
photographs on account of his grandfather instead of sending her to Skerrys
academy where shed have to learn not like me getting all IS at school only hed
do a thing like that all the same on account of me and Boylan thats why he did
it Im certain the way he plots and plans everything out I couldnt turn round
with her in the place lately unless I bolted the door first gave me the fidgets
coming in without knocking first when I put the chair against the door just as I
was washing myself there below with the glove get on your nerves then doing the
loglady all day put her in a glasscase with two at a time to look at her if he
knew she broke off the hand off that little gimcrack statue with her roughness
and carelessness before she left that I got that little Italian boy to mend so
that you cant see the join for 2 shillings wouldnt even teem the potatoes for
you of course shes right not to ruin her hands I noticed he was always talking
to her lately at the table explaining things in the paper and she pretending to
understand sly of course that comes from his side of the house he cant say I
pretend things can he Im too honest as a matter of fact and helping her into her
coat but if there was anything wrong with her its me shed tell not him I suppose
he thinks Im finished out and laid on the shelf well Im not no nor anything like
it well see well see now shes well on for flirting too with Tom Devans two sons
imitating me whistling with those romps of Murray girls calling for her can
Milly come out please shes in great demand to pick what they can out of her
round in Nelson street riding Harry Devans bicycle at night its as well he sent
her where she is she was just getting out of bounds wanting to go on the
skatingrink and smoking their cigarettes through their nose I smelt it off her
dress when I was biting off the thread of the button I sewed on to the bottom of
her jacket she couldnt hide much from me I tell you only I oughtnt to have
stitched it and it on her it brings a parting and the last plumpudding too split
in 2 halves see it comes out no matter what they say her tongue is a bit too
long for my taste your blouse is open too low she says to me the pan calling the
kettle blackbottom and I had to tell her not to cock her legs up like that on
show on the windowsill before all the people passing they all look at her like
me when I was her age of course any old rag looks well on you then a great
touchmenot too in her own way at the Only Way in the Theatre royal take your
foot away out of that I hate people touching me afraid of her life Id crush her
skirt with the pleats a lot of that touching must go on in theatres in the crush
in the dark theyre always trying to wiggle up to you that fellow in the pit at
the Gaiety for Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time Ill ever go there to be
squashed like that for any Trilby or her barebum every two minutes tipping me
there and looking away hes a bit daft I think I saw him after trying to get near
two stylishdressed ladies outside Switzers window at the same little game I
recognised him on the moment the face and everything but he didnt remember me
yes and she didnt even want me to kiss her at the Broadstone going away well I
hope shell get someone to dance attendance on her the way I did when she was
down with the mumps and her glands swollen wheres this and wheres that of course
she cant feel anything deep yet I never came properly till I was what 22 or so
it went into the wrong place always only the usual girls nonsense and giggling
that Conny Connolly writing to her in white ink on black paper sealed with
sealingwax though she clapped when the curtain came down because he looked so
handsome then we had Martin Harvey for breakfast dinner and supper I thought to
myself afterwards it must be real love if a man gives up his life for her that
way for nothing I suppose there are a few men like that left its hard to believe
in it though unless it really happened to me the majority of them with not a
particle of love in their natures to find two people like that nowadays full up
of each other that would feel the same way as you do theyre usually a bit
foolish in the head his father must have been a bit queer to go and poison
himself after her still poor old man I suppose he felt lost shes always making
love to my things too the few old rags I have wanting to put her hair up at I S
my powder too only ruin her skin on her shes time enough for that all her life
after of course shes restless knowing shes pretty with her lips so red a pity
they wont stay that way I was too but theres no use going to the fair with the
thing answering me like a fishwoman when I asked to go for a half a stone of
potatoes the day we met Mrs Joe Gallaher at the trottingmatches and she
pretended not to see us in her trap with Friery the solicitor we werent grand
enough till I gave her 2 damn fine cracks across the ear for herself take that
now for answering me like that and that for your impudence she had me that
exasperated of course contradicting I was badtempered too because how was it
there was a weed in the tea or I didnt sleep the night before cheese I ate was
it and I told her over and over again not to leave knives crossed like that
because she has nobody to command her as she said herself well if he doesnt
correct her faith I will that was the last time she turned on the teartap I was
just like that myself they darent order me about the place its his fault of
course having the two of us slaving here instead of getting in a woman long ago
am I ever going to have a proper servant again of course then shed see him
coming Id have to let her know or shed revenge it arent they a nuisance that old
Mrs Fleming you have to be walking round after her putting the things into her
hands sneezing and farting into the pots well of course shes old she cant help
it a good job I found that rotten old smelly dishcloth that got lost behind the
dresser I knew there was something and opened the area window to let out the
smell bringing in his friends to entertain them like the night he walked home
with a dog if you please that might have been mad especially Simon Dedalus son
his father such a criticiser with his glasses up with his tall hat on him at the
cricket match and a great big hole in his sock one thing laughing at the other
and his son that got all those prizes for whatever he won them in the
intermediate imagine climbing over the railings if anybody saw him that knew us
I wonder he didnt tear a big hole in his grand funeral trousers as if the one
nature gave wasnt enough for anybody hawking him down into the dirty old kitchen
now is he right in his head I ask pity it wasnt washing day my old pair of
drawers might have been hanging up too on the line on exhibition for all hed
ever care with the ironmould mark the stupid old bundle burned on them he might
think was something else and she never even rendered down the fat I told her and
now shes going such as she was on account of her paralysed husband getting worse
theres always something wrong with them disease or they have to go under an
operation or if its not that its drink and he beats her Ill have to hunt around
again for someone every day I get up theres some new thing on sweet God sweet
God well when Im stretched out dead in my grave I suppose 111 have some peace I
want to get up a minute if Im let wait O Jesus wait yes that thing has come on
me yes now wouldnt that afflict you of course all the poking and rooting and
ploughing he had up in me now what am I to do Friday Saturday Sunday wouldnt
that pester the soul out of a body unless he likes it some men do God knows
theres always something wrong with us 5 days every 3 or 4 weeks usual monthly
auction isnt it simply sickening that night it came on me like that the one and
only time we were in a box that Michael Gunn gave him to see Mrs Kendal and her
husband at the Gaiety something he did about insurance for him in Drimmies I was
fit to be tied though I wouldnt give in with that gentleman of fashion staring
down at me with his glasses and him the other side of me talking about Spinoza
and his soul thats dead I suppose millions of years ago I smiled the best I
could all in a swamp leaning forward as if I was interested having to sit it out
then to the last tag I wont forget that wife of Scarli in a hurry supposed to be
a fast play about adultery that idiot in the gallery hissing the woman
adulteress he shouted I suppose he went and had a woman in the next lane running
round all the back ways after to make up for it I wish he had what I had then
hed boo I bet the cat itself is better off than us have we too much blood up in
us or what O patience above its pouring out of me like the sea anyhow he didnt
make me pregnant as big as he is I dont want to ruin the clean sheets I just put
on I suppose the clean linen I wore brought it on too damn it damn it and they
always want to see a stain on the bed to know youre a virgin for them all thats
troubling them theyre such fools too you could be a widow or divorced 40 times
over a daub of red ink would do or blackberry juice no thats too purply O Jamesy
let me up out of this pooh sweets of sin whoever suggested that business for
women what between clothes and cooking and children this damned old bed too
jingling like the dickens I suppose they could hear us away over the other side
of the park till I suggested to put the quilt on the floor with the pillow under
my bottom I wonder is it nicer in the day I think it is easy I think Ill cut all
this hair off me there scalding me I might look like a young girl wouldnt he get
the great suckin the next time he turned up my clothes on me Id give anything to
see his face wheres the chamber gone easy Ive a holy horror of its breaking
under me after that old commode I wonder was I too heavy sitting on his knee I
made him sit on the easychair purposely when I took off only my blouse and skirt
first in the other room he was so busy where he oughtnt to be he never felt me I
hope my breath was sweet after those kissing comfits easy God I remember one
time I could scout it out straight whistling like a man almost easy O Lord how
noisy I hope theyre bubbles on it for a wad of money from some fellow 111 have
to perfume it in the morning dont forget I bet he never saw a better pair of
thighs than that look how white they are the smoothest place is right there
between this bit here how soft like a peach easy God I wouldnt mind being a man
and get up on a lovely woman O Lord what a row youre making like the jersey lily
easy easy O how the waters come down at Lahore
who knows is there anything the matter with my insides or have I something
growing in me getting that thing like that every week when was it last I Whit
Monday yes its only about 3 weeks I ought to go to the doctor only it would be
like before I married him when I had that white thing coming from me and Floey
made me go to that dry old stick Dr Collins for womens diseases on Pembroke road
your vagina he called it I suppose thats how he got all the gilt mirrors and
carpets getting round those rich ones off Stephens green running up to him for
every little fiddlefaddle her vagina and her cochinchina theyve money of course
so theyre all right I wouldnt marry him not if he was the last man in the world
besides theres something queer about their children always smelling around those
filthy bitches all sides asking me if what I did had an offensive odour what did
he want me to do but the one thing gold maybe what a question if I smathered it
all over his wrinkly old face for him with all my compriments I suppose hed know
then and could you pass it easily pass what I thought he was talking about the
rock of Gibraltar the way he put it thats a very nice invention too by the way
only I like letting myself down after in the hole as far as I can squeeze and
pull the chain then to flush it nice cool pins and needles still theres
something in it I suppose I always used to know by Millys when she was a child
whether she had worms or not still all the same paying him for that how much is
that doctor one guinea please and asking me had I frequent omissions where do
those old fellows get all the words they have omissions with his shortsighted
eyes on me cocked sideways I wouldnt trust him too far to give me chloroform or
God knows what else still I liked him when he sat down to write the thing out
frowning so severe his nose intelligent like that you be damned you lying strap
O anything no matter who except an idiot he was clever enough to spot that of
course that was all thinking of him and his mad crazy letters my Precious one
everything connected with your glorious Body everything underlined that comes
from it is a thing of beauty and of joy for ever something he got out of some
nonsensical book that he had me always at myself 4 and 5 times a day sometimes
and I said I hadnt are you sure O yes I said I am quite sure in a way that shut
him up I knew what was coming next only natural weakness it was he excited me I
dont know how the first night ever we met when I was living in Rehoboth terrace
we stood staring at one another for about lo minutes as if we met somewhere I
suppose on account of my being jewess looking after my mother he used to amuse
me the things he said with the half sloothering smile on him and all the Doyles
said he was going to stand for a member of Parliament O wasnt I the born fool to
believe all his blather about home rule and the land league sending me that long
strool of a song out of the Huguenots to sing in French to be more classy O beau
pays de la Touraine that I never even sang once explaining and rigmaroling about
religion and persecution he wont let you enjoy anything naturally then might he
as a great favour the very 1st opportunity he got a chance in Brighton square
running into my bedroom pretending the ink got on his hands to wash it off with
the Albion milk and sulphur soap I used to use and the gelatine still round it O
I laughed myself sick at him that day I better not make an alnight sitting on
this affair they ought to make chambers a natural size so that a woman could sit
on it properly he kneels down to do it I suppose there isnt in all creation
another man with the habits he has look at the way hes sleeping at the foot of
the bed how can he without a hard bolster its well he doesnt kick or he might
knock out all my teeth breathing with his hand on his nose like that Indian god
he took me to show one wet Sunday in the museum in Kildare street all yellow in
a pinafore lying on his side on his hand with his ten toes sticking out that he
said was a bigger religion than the jews and Our Lords both put together all
over Asia imitating him as hes always imitating everybody I suppose he used to
sleep at the foot of the bed too with his big square feet up in his wifes mouth
damn this stinking thing anyway wheres this those napkins are ah yes I know I
hope the old press doesnt creak ah I knew it would hes sleeping hard had a good
time somewhere still she must have given him great value for his money of course
he has to pay for it from her O this nuisance of a thing I hope theyll have
something better for us in the other world tying ourselves up God help us thats
all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always reminds me of old
Cohen I suppose he scratched himself in it often enough and he thinks father
bought it from Lord Napier that I used to admire when I was a little girl
because I told him easy piano O I like my bed God here we are as bad as ever
after 16 years how many houses were we in at all Raymond terrace and Ontario
terrace and Lombard street and Holles street and he goes about whistling every
time were on the run again his huguenots or the frogs march pretending to help
the men with our 4 sticks of furniture and then the City Arms hotel worse and
worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the landing always somebody inside
praying then leaving all their stinks after them always know who was in there
last every time were just getting on right something happens or he puts his big
foot in it Thoms and Helys and Mr Cuffes and Drimmies either hes going to be run
into prison over his old lottery tickets that was to be all our salvations or he
goes and gives impudence well have him coming home with the sack soon out of the
Freeman too like the rest on account of those Sinner Fein or the freemasons then
well see if the little man he showed me dribbling along in the wet all by
himself round by Coadys lane will give him much consolation that he says is so
capable and sincerely Irish he is indeed judging by the sincerity of the
trousers I saw on him wait theres Georges church bells wait 3 quarters the hour
l wait 2 oclock well thats a nice hour of the night for him to be coming home at
to anybody climbing down into the area if anybody saw him Ill knock him off that
little habit tomorrow first Ill look at his shirt to see or Ill see if he has
that French letter still in his pocketbook I suppose he thinks I dont know
deceitful men all their 20 pockets arent enough for their lies then why should
we tell them even if its the truth they dont believe you then tucked up in bed
like those babies in the Aristocrats Masterpiece he brought me another time as
if we hadnt enough of that in real life without some old Aristocrat or whatever
his name is disgusting you more with those rotten pictures children with two
heads and no legs thats the kind of villainy theyre always dreaming about with
not another thing in their empty heads they ought to get slow poison the half of
them then tea and toast for him buttered on both sides and newlaid eggs I
suppose Im nothing any more when I wouldnt let him lick me in Holles street one
night man man tyrant as ever for the one thing he slept on the floor half the
night naked the way the jews used when somebody dies belonged to them and
wouldnt eat any breakfast or speak a word wanting to be petted so I thought I
stood out enough for one time and let him he does it all wrong too thinking only
of his own pleasure his tongue is too flat or I dont know what he forgets that
wethen I dont Ill make him do it again if he doesnt mind himself and lock him
down to sleep in the coalcellar with the blackbeetles I wonder was it her Josie
off her head with my castoffs hes such a born liar too no hed never have the
courage with a married woman thats why he wants me and Boylan though as for her
Denis as she calls him that forlornlooking spectacle you couldnt call him a
husband yes its some little bitch hes got in with even when I was with him with
Milly at the College races that Hornblower with the childs bonnet on the top of
his nob let us into by the back way he was throwing his sheeps eyes at those two
doing skirt duty up and down I tried to wink at him first no use of course and
thats the way his money goes this is the fruits of Mr Paddy Dignam yes they were
all in great style at the grand funeral in the paper Boylan brought in if they
saw a real officers funeral thatd be something reversed arms muffled drums the
poor horse walking behind in black L Boom and Tom Kernan that drunken little
barrelly man that bit his tongue off falling down the mens W C drunk in some
place or other and Martin Cunningham and the two Dedaluses and Fanny MCoys
husband white head of cabbage skinny thing with a turn in her eye trying to sing
my songs shed want to be born all over again and her old green dress with the
lowneck as she cant attract them any other way like dabbling on a rainy day I
see it all now plainly and they call that friendship killing and then burying
one another and they all with their wives and families at home more especially
Jack Power keeping that barmaid he does of course his wife is always sick or
going to be sick or just getting better of it and hes a goodlooking man still
though hes getting a bit grey over the ears theyre a nice lot all of them well
theyre not going to get my husband again into their clutches if I can help it
making fun of him then behind his back I know well when he goes on with his
idiotics because he has sense enough not to squander every penny piece he earns
down their gullets and looks after his wife and family goodfornothings poor
Paddy Dignam all the same Im sorry in a way for him what are his wife and 5
children going to do unless he was insured comical little teetotum always stuck
up in some pub corner and her or her son waiting Bill Bailey wont you please
come home her widows weeds wont improve her appearance theyre awfully becoming
though if youre goodlooking what men wasnt he yes he was at the Glencree dinner
and Ben Dollard base barreltone the night he borrowed the swallowtail to sing
out of in Holles street squeezed and squashed into them and grinning all over
his big Dolly face like a wellwhipped childs botty didnt he look a balmy
ballocks sure enough that must have been a spectacle on the stage imagine paying
5/- in the preserved seats for that to see him trotting off in his trowlers and
Simon Dedalus too he was always turning up half screwed singing the second verse
first the old love is the new was one of his so sweetly sang the maiden on the
hawthorn bough he was always on for flirtyfying too when I sang Maritana with
him at Freddy Mayers private opera he had a delicious glorious voice Phoebe
dearest goodbye sweetheart sweetheart he always sang it not like Bartell
Darcy sweet tart goodbye of course he had the gift of the voice so there was no
art in it all over you like a warm showerbath O Maritana wildwood flower we sang
splendidly though it was a bit too high for my register even transposed and he
was married at the time to May Goulding but then hed say or do something to
knock the good out of it hes a widower now I wonder what sort is his son he says
hes an author and going to be a university professor of Italian and Im to take
lessons what is he driving at now showing him my photo its not good of me I
ought to have got it taken in drapery that never looks out of fashion still I
look young in it I wonder he didnt make him a present of it altogether and me
too after all why not I saw him driving down to the Kingsbridge station with his
father and mother I was in mourning thats 11 years ago now yes hed be 11 though
what was the good in going into mourning for what was neither one thing nor the
other the first cry was enough for me I heard the deathwatch too ticking in the
wall of course he insisted hed go into mourning for the cat I suppose hes a man
now by this time he was an innocent boy then and a darling little fellow in his
lord Fauntleroy suit and curly hair like a prince on the stage when I saw him at
Mat Dillons he liked me too I remember they all do wait by God yes wait yes hold
on he was on the cards this morning when I laid out the deck union with a young
stranger neither dark nor fair you met before I thought it meant him but hes no
chicken nor a stranger either besides my face was turned the other way what was
the 7th card after that the 10 of spades for a journey by land then there was a
letter on its way and scandals too the 3 queens and the 8 of diamonds for a rise
in society yes wait it all came out and 2 red 8s for new garments look at that
and didnt I dream something too yes there was something about poetry in it I
hope he hasnt long greasy hair hanging into his eyes or standing up like a red
Indian what do they go about like that for only getting themselves and their
poetry laughed at I always liked poetry when I was a girl first I thought he was
a poet like lord Byron and not an ounce of it in his composition I thought he
was quite different I wonder is he too young hes about wait 88 I was married 88
Milly is 15 yesterday 89 what age was he then at Dillons 5 or 6 about 88 I
suppose hes 20 or more Im not too old for him if hes 23 or 24 I hope hes not
that stuckup university student sort no otherwise he wouldnt go sitting down in
the old kitchen with him taking Eppss cocoa and talking of course he pretended
to understand it all probably he told him he was out of Trinity college hes very
young to be a professor I hope hes not a professor like Goodwin was he was a
potent professor of John Jameson they all write about some woman in their poetry
well I suppose he wont find many like me where softly sighs of love the light
guitar where poetry is in the air the blue sea and the moon shining so
beautifully coming back on the nightboat from Tarifa the lighthouse at Europa
point the guitar that fellow played was so expressive will I ever go back there
again all new faces two glancing eyes a lattice hid Ill sing that for him theyre
my eyes if hes anything of a poet two eyes as darkly bright as loves own star
arent those beautiful words as loves young star itll be a change the Lord knows
to have an intelligent person to talk to about yourself not always listening to
him and Billy Prescotts ad and Keyess ad and Tom the Devils ad then if anything
goes wrong in their business we have to suffer Im sure hes very distinguished Id
like to meet a man like that God not those other ruck besides hes young those
fine young men I could see down in Margate strand bathingplace from the side of
the rock standing up in the sun naked like a God or something and then plunging
into the sea with them why arent all men like that thered be some consolation
for a woman like that lovely little statue he bought I could look at him all day
long curly head and his shoulders his finger up for you to listen theres real
beauty and poetry for you I often felt I wanted to kiss him all over also his
lovely young cock there so simple I wouldnt mind taking him in my mouth if
nobody was looking as if it was asking you to suck it so clean and white he
looks with his boyish face I would too in 1/2 a minute even if some of it went
down what its only like gruel or the dew theres no danger besides hed be so
clean compared with those pigs of men I suppose never dream of washing it from I
years end to the other the most of them only thats what gives the women the
moustaches Im sure itll be grand if I can only get in with a handsome young poet
at my age Ill throw them the 1st thing in the morning till I see if the wishcard
comes out or Ill try pairing the lady herself and see if he comes out Ill read
and study all I can find or learn a bit off by heart if I knew who he likes so
he wont think me stupid if he thinks all women are the same and I can teach him
the other part Ill make him feel all over him till he half faints under me then
hell write about me lover and mistress publicly too with our 2 photographs in
all the papers when he becomes famous O but then what am I going to do about him
though
no thats no way for him has he no manners nor no refinement nor no nothing in
his nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom because I didnt call him
Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know poetry from a cabbage thats what you get for
not keeping them in their proper place pulling off his shoes and trousers there
on the chair before me so barefaced without even asking permission and standing
out that vulgar way in the half of a shirt they wear to be admired like a priest
or a butcher or those old hypocrites in the time of Julius Caesar of course hes
right enough in his way to pass the time as a joke sure you might as well be in
bed with what with a lion God Im sure hed have something better to say for
himself an old Lion would O well I suppose its because they were so plump and
tempting in my short petticoat he couldnt resist they excite myself sometimes
its well for men all the amount of pleasure they get off a womans body were so
round and white for them always I wished I was one myself for a change just to
try with that thing they have swelling up on you so hard and at the same time so
soft when you touch it my uncle John has a thing long I heard those cornerboys
saying passing the comer of Marrowbone lane my aunt Mary has a thing hairy
because it was dark and they knew a girl was passing it didnt make me blush why
should it either its only nature and he puts his thing long into my aunt Marys
hairy etcetera and turns out to be you put the handle in a sweepingbrush men
again all over they can pick and choose what they please a married woman or a
fast widow or a girl for their different tastes like those houses round behind
Irish street no but were to be always chained up theyre not going to be chaining
me up no damn fear once I start I tell you for their stupid husbands jealousy
why cant we all remain friends over it instead of quarrelling her husband found
it out what they did together well naturally and if he did can he undo it hes
coronado anyway whatever he does and then he going to the other mad extreme
about the wife in Fair Tyrants of course the man never even casts a 2nd thought
on the husband or wife either its the woman he wants and he gets her what else
were we given all those desires for Id like to know I cant help it if Im young
still can I its a wonder Im not an old shrivelled hag before my time living with
him so cold never embracing me except sometimes when hes asleep the wrong end of
me not knowing I suppose who he has any man thatd kiss a womans bottom Id throw
my hat at him after that hed kiss anything unnatural where we havent I atom of
any kind of expression in us all of us the same 2 lumps of lard before ever Id
do that to a man pfooh the dirty brutes the mere thought is enough I kiss the
feet of you senorita theres some sense in that didnt he kiss our halldoor yes he
did what a madman nobody understands his cracked ideas but me still of course a
woman wants to be embraced 20 times a day almost to make her look young no
matter by who so long as to be in love or loved by somebody if the fellow you
want isnt there sometimes by the Lord God I was thinking would I go around by
the quays there some dark evening where nobodyd know me and pick up a sailor off
the sea thatd be hot on for it and not care a pin whose I was only do it off up
in a gate somewhere or one of those wildlooking gipsies in Rathfarnham had their
camp pitched near the Bloomfield laundry to try and steal our things if they
could I only sent mine there a few times for the name model laundry sending me
back over and over some old ones odd stockings that blackguardlooking fellow
with the fine eyes peeling a switch attack me in the dark and ride me up against
the wall without a word or a murderer anybody what they do themselves the fine
gentlemen in their silk hats that K C lives up somewhere this way coming out of
Hardwicke lane the night he gave us the fish supper on account of winning over
the boxing match of course it was for me he gave it I knew him by his gaiters
and the walk and when I turned round a minute after just to see there was a
woman after coming out of it too some filthy prostitute then he goes home to his
wife after that only I suppose the half of those sailors are rotten again with
disease O move over your big carcass out of that for the love of Mike listen to
him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well he may sleep and sigh the great
Suggester Don Poldo de la Flora if he knew how he came out on the cards this
morning hed have something to sigh for a dark man in some perplexity between 2
7s too in prison for Lord knows what he does that I dont know and Im to be
slooching around down in the kitchen to get his lordship his breakfast while hes
rolled up like a mummy will I indeed did you ever see me running Id just like to
see myself at it show them attention and they treat you like dirt I dont care
what anybody says itd be much better for the world to be governed by the women
in it you wouldnt see women going and killing one another and slaughtering when
do you ever see women rolling around drunk like they do or gambling every penny
they have and losing it on horses yes because a woman whatever she does she
knows where to stop sure they wouldnt be in the world at all only for us they
dont know what it is to be a woman and a mother how could they where would they
all of them be if they hadnt all a mother to look after them what I never had
thats why I suppose hes running wild now out at night away from his books and
studies and not living at home on account of the usual rowy house I suppose well
its a poor case that those that have a fine son like that theyre not satisfied
and I none was he not able to make one it wasnt my fault we came together when I
was watching the two dogs up in her behind in the middle of the naked street
that disheartened me altogether I suppose I oughtnt to have buried him in that
little woolly jacket I knitted crying as I was but give it to some poor child
but I knew well Id never have another our 1st death too it was we were never the
same since O Im not going to think myself into the glooms about that any more I
wonder why he wouldnt stay the night I felt all the time it was somebody strange
he brought in instead of roving around the city meeting God knows who
nightwalkers and pickpockets his poor mother wouldnt like that if she was alive
ruining himself for life perhaps still its a lovely hour so silent I used to
love coming home after dances the air of the night they have friends they can
talk to weve none either he wants what he wont get or its some woman ready to
stick her knife in you I hate that in women no wonder they treat us the way they
do we are a dreadful lot of bitches I suppose its all the troubles we have makes
us so snappy Im not like that he could easy have slept in there on the sofa in
the other room I suppose he was as shy as a boy he being so young hardly 20 of
me in the next room hed have heard me on the chamber arrah what harm Dedalus I
wonder its like those names in Gibraltar Delapaz Delagracia they had the devils
queer names there father Vilaplana of Santa Maria that gave me the rosary
Rosales y OReilly in the Calle las Siete Revueltas and Pisimbo and Mrs Opisso in
Governor street O what a name Id go and drown myself in the first river if I had
a name like her O my and all the bits of streets Paradise ramp and Bedlam ramp
and Rodgers ramp and Crutchetts ramp and the devils gap steps well small blame
to me if I am a harumscarum I know I am a bit I declare to God I dont feel a day
older than then I wonder could I get my tongue round any of the Spanish como
esta usted muy bien gracias y usted see I havent forgotten it all I thought I
had only for the grammar a noun is the name of any person place or thing pity I
never tried to read that novel cantankerous Mrs Rubio lent me by Valera with the
questions in it all upside down the two ways I always knew wed go away in the
end I can tell him the Spanish and he tell me the Italian then hell see Im not
so ignorant what a pity he didnt stay Im sure the poor fellow was dead tired and
wanted a good sleep badly I could have brought him in his breakfast in bed with
a bit of toast so long as I didnt do it on the knife for bad luck or if the
woman was going her rounds with the watercress and something nice and tasty
there are a few olives in the kitchen he might like I never could bear the look
of them in Abrines I could do the criada the room looks all right since I
changed it the other way you see something was telling me all the time Id have
to introduce myself not knowing me from Adam very funny wouldnt it Im his wife
or pretend we were in Spain with him half awake without a Gods notion where he
is dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things come into my head
sometimes itd be great fun supposing he stayed with us why not theres the room
upstairs empty and Millys bed in the back room he could do his writing and
studies at the table in there for all the scribbling he does at it and if he
wants to read in bed in the morning like me as hes making the breakfast for I he
can make it for 2 Im sure Im not going to take in lodgers off the street for him
if he takes a gesabo of a house like this Id love to have a long talk with an
intelligent welleducated person Id have to get a nice pair of red slippers like
those Turks with the fez used to sell or yellow and a nice semitransparent
morning gown that I badly want or a peachblossom dressing jacket like the one
long ago in Walpoles only 8/6 or 18/6 Ill just give him one more chance Ill get
up early in the morning Im sick of Cohens old bed in any case I might go over to
the markets to see all the vegetables and cabbages and tomatoes and carrots and
all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in lovely and fresh who knows whod be
the 1st man Id meet theyre out looking for it in the morning Mamy Dillon used to
say they are and the night too that was her massgoing Id love a big juicy pear
now to melt in your mouth like when I used to be in the longing way then Ill
throw him up his eggs and tea in the moustachecup she gave him to make his mouth
bigger I suppose hed like my nice cream too I know what Ill do Ill go about
rather gay not too much singing a bit now and then mi fa pieta Masetto then Ill
start dressing myself to go out presto non son piu forte Ill put on my best
shift and drawers let him have a good eyeful out of that to make his micky stand
for him Ill let him know if thats what he wanted that his wife is I s l o fucked
yes and damn well fucked too up to my neck nearly not by him 5 or 6 times
handrunning theres the mark of his spunk on the clean sheet I wouldnt bother to
even iron it out that ought to satisfy him if you dont believe me feel my belly
unless I made him stand there and put him into me Ive a mind to tell him every
scrap and make him do it out in front of me serve him right its all his own
fault if I am an adulteress as the thing in the gallery said O much about it if
thats all the harm ever we did in this vale of tears God knows its not much
doesnt everybody only they hide it I suppose thats what a woman is supposed to
be there for or He wouldnt have made us the way He did so attractive to men then
if he wants to kiss my bottom Ill drag open my drawers and bulge it right out in
his face as large as life he can stick his tongue 7 miles up my hole as hes
there my brown part then Ill tell him I want LI or perhaps 30/- Ill tell him I
want to buy underclothes then if he gives me that well he wont be too bad I dont
want to soak it all out of him like other women do I could often have written
out a fine cheque for myself and write his name on it for a couple of pounds a
few times he forgot to lock it up besides he wont spend it Ill let him do it off
on me behind provided he doesnt smear all my good drawers O I suppose that cant
be helped Ill do the indifferent l or 2 questions Ill know by the answers when
hes like that he cant keep a thing back I know every turn in him Ill tighten my
bottom well and let out a few smutty words smellrump or lick my shit or the
first mad thing comes into my head then Ill suggest about yes O wait now sonny
my turn is coming Ill be quite gay and friendly over it O but I was forgetting
this bloody pest of a thing pfooh you wouldnt know which to laugh or cry were
such a mixture of plum and apple no Ill have to wear the old things so much the
better itll be more pointed hell never know whether he did it or not there thats
good enough for you any old thing at all then Ill wipe him off me just like a
business his omission then Ill go out Ill have him eying up at the ceiling where
is she gone now make him want me thats the only way a quarter after what an
unearthly hour I suppose theyre just getting up in China now combing out their
pigtails for the day well soon have the nuns ringing the angelus theyve nobody
coming in to spoil their sleep except an odd priest or two for his night office
or the alarmclock next door at cockshout clattering the brains out of itself let
me see if I can doze off 1 2 3 4 5 what kind of flowers are those they invented
like the stars the wallpaper in Lombard street was much nicer the apron he gave
me was like that something only I only wore it twice better lower this lamp and
try again so as I can get up early Ill go to Lambes there beside Findlaters and
get them to send us some flowers to put about the place in case he brings him
home tomorrow today I mean no no Fridays an unlucky day first I want to do the
place up someway the dust grows in it I think while Im asleep then we can have
music and cigarettes I can accompany him first I must clean the keys of the
piano with milk whatll I wear shall I wear a white rose or those fairy cakes in
Liptons I love the smell of a rich big shop at 7 1/2d a lb or the other ones
with the cherries in them and the pinky sugar I Id a couple of lbs of those a
nice plant for the middle of the table Id get that cheaper in wait wheres this I
saw them not long ago I love flowers Id love to have the whole place swimming in
roses God of heaven theres nothing like nature the wild mountains then the sea
and the waves rushing then the beautiful country with the fields of oats and
wheat and all kinds of things and all the fine cattle going about that would do
your heart good to see rivers and lakes and flowers all sorts of shapes and
smells and colours springing up even out of the ditches primroses and violets
nature it is as for them saying theres no God I wouldnt give a snap of my two
fingers for all their learning why dont they go and create something I often
asked him atheists or whatever they call themselves go and wash the cobbles off
themselves first then they go howling for the priest and they dying and why why
because theyre afraid of hell on account of their bad conscience ah yes I know
them well who was the first person in the universe before there was anybody that
made it all who ah that they dont know neither do I so there you are they might
as well try to stop the sun from rising tomorrow the sun shines for you he said
the day we were lying among the rhododendrons on Howth head in the grey tweed
suit and his straw hat the day I got him to propose to me yes first I gave him
the bit of seedcake out of my mouth and it was leapyear like now yes 16 years
ago my God after that long kiss I near lost my breath yes he said I was a flower
of the mountain yes so we are flowers all a womans body yes that was one true
thing he said in his life and the sun shines for you today yes that was why I
liked him because I saw he understood or felt what a woman is and I knew I could
always get round him and I gave him all the pleasure I could leading him on till
he asked me to say yes and I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the sea
and the sky I was thinking of so many things he didnt know of Mulvey and Mr
Stanhope and Hester and father and old captain Groves and the sailors playing
all birds fly and I say stoop and washing up dishes they called it on the pier
and the sentry in front of the governors house with the thing round his white
helmet poor devil half roasted and the Spanish girls laughing in their shawls
and their tall combs and the auctions in the morning the Greeks and the jews and
the Arabs and the devil knows who else from all the ends of Europe and Duke
street and the fowl market all clucking outside Larby Sharons and the poor
donkeys slipping half asleep and the vague fellows in the cloaks asleep in the
shade on the steps and the big wheels of the carts of the bulls and the old
castle thousands of years old yes and those handsome Moors all in white and
turbans like kings asking you to sit down in their little bit of a shop and
Ronda with the old windows of the posadas 2 glancing eyes a lattice hid for her
lover to kiss the iron and the wineshops half open at night and the castanets
and the night we missed the boat at Algeciras the watchman going about serene
with his lamp and O that awful deepdown torrent O and the sea the sea crimson
sometimes like fire and the glorious sunsets and the figtrees in the Alameda
gardens yes and all the queer little streets and the pink and blue and yellow
houses and the rosegardens and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and
Gibraltar as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose
in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he
kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and
then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes
to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew
him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was
going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.
[full text]
|
